So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
