I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
