Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
