Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
