just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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