We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
