Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
