Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
