started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
