Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
