make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
