So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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