The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
