1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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