One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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