he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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