I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
What did we do last night that was yellow?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
