I hate your face
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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