I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
