accomplished twins. life is a go
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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