triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
