I think my fart just growled at me.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
