If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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