You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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