Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
