hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
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