The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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