Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
