We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
