Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
