The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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