Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
