Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
