if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
