when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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