Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
