Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
