Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
