Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
where am i from again
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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