whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
This is classic penis vs brain.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
