am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
