Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
