remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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