take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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