Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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