Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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