girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
