My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
