but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
