how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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