Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
