I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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